work and play

yesterday was a lovely day.
i woke up at 7:30 to go buy top pot donuts for my brother (which, by the way, are humongous). he wanted donuts instead of a birthday cake, so of course we obliged. i went with my family and two of my brother's friends to family fun center and sacrificed the pristine condition of my expensive sandals to take pictures of him having fun. it gave me the thrill of being a good photographer-someone who could capture that split second of joy across my brother's face for years of enjoyment. i played a couple of the games at the arcade, earned some tickets, and gave them all to my brother to get a prize he wanted. i didn't do much for myself at his party, but that's how it should be, and it felt good to let him run around having a blast.

we came home and i set up the balloons in the playhouse to surprise my brother. i loved decorating it, and it was great to see him so happy. i was exhausted already, but i know he had an awesome time.


 later on my friends came over to watch veggie tales, of all things. no, i am not christian, so watching them was a little strange for me. but it was fun nonetheless, despite the fact i felt like i was constantly running around cleaning up. i enjoyed being a hostess. and my parents were so helpful and supportive, i don't know what i'd do without them.

when we finally emerged from the basement, we went outside and laid on the grass, looking at the stars in the summer sky. it's amazing how even though i live in the suburbs, it's still dark enough to appreciate the beautiful canvas up there. i even saw a shooting star. now that, i think, was the epitome of summer--being with friends, sitting outside, not trying to be constantly moving and doing projects. just appreciating.

number 3

my goal is to post an outfit a week; hopefully i won't get bogged down once school starts. i haven't had the motivation to dress well this week, so here's a look from over a year ago. i still love the things i'm wearing though. the top is basically the only designer thing i've ever bought full price.

photos by my bestie lindsey luckevich.





marc by marc jacobs blouse, la rok skirt, urban outfitters shoes

internalizing pressure

doesn't help at all.

today i had a good conversation with one of my best friends. there were times when the conversation was silent, when neither of us seemed to know what to say, but it wasn't uncomfortable.

i've been realizing, though, how much i've changed. i used to care so much about making everyone else happy, being courteous, being nice. this past year i've stopped caring, started being more blunt, and now i'm just a bitter person. i don't feel good about myself, i feel alone a lot. i fall too hard and then i hate because hating makes the pain go away.

my friend finally brought it up to me: "you hate on him a lot". it was, to be cliche, such a slap in the face. why am i such a hypercritical person when i really have nothing to complain about? i don't want to be this way anymore.

i finally thought i was opening up to people, but it turns out i was just letting out words of rancor and hurt. this, i suppose, explains my feelings that nobody really wants to spend time with me. i'm just undesirable as a friend.

please try to understand. i don't do it on purpose. the emotions build up and i cry because i'm not worth your time, and sometimes i just can't be mature about it.

casual

yesterday i went to artwalk with my friend kristin to see faith play in her band. hopefully i can post a video or two of them playing later! my six months are finally up, so i can drive people. kristin was my first passenger :D we also went to adventure kids playcare's booth and got our faces painted.

i didn't feel like dressing up much yesterday, but i snapped a couple of photos as the sun was setting. i was reminded how much i love my keds, which i've neglected for a year or so.








i forgot to take a detail shot of my shoes (which are probably the only interesting part of this outfit) so here's an old picture i took of them.


for the republic tee, it! jeans, old navy belt via goodwill, studded keds, marc by marc jacobs sunglasses
note: i own a lot of it! jeans because i feel like they fit me well...once you find a great fit there's no point in wearing others you don't like as much :)

life in technicolor

i was browsing my usual sites when i found this color test from nylon magazine. it was quite interesting to see that even when i think i know how to arrange things into a spectrum, i'm not completely accurate. the best score for this test is 0. I got a 7, which is pretty good. someone my age got a 1520, so that made me feel a lot better about my score XD


 if you have a chance you should try it here.

this is what i came up with!

inspiration

This pianist is amazing. He was born premature, he has a mental disability, yet he plays the piano better than I could ever hope to play the cello. Simply fantastic.

materialism

I've been thinking a lot about all of the things I own and what really makes me happy.
Yesterday I finally went to rehearsal for our concerto concerts coming up. I hadn't really been excited about going, because I was feeling a little bitter over past events, but there is something magic about music that makes me happy. I had to sit next to a great cellist and he was a bit intimidating, but making music with other people is liberating. It's like sensory explosion sometimes.

Although I'm a clothes horse, I'm also planning on forgoing my usual spending habits on clothes and saving up for a camera instead. The one I have right now is really my father's, so I don't have access to it all the time. And while I love my film camera, sometimes I need the satisfaction of knowing I got the shot that I wanted. So I'm going to be putting aside some of my allowance to save for that, especially since I'm going to be traveling a lot next year!

So no more new clothes for a while, I'll just work with all the amazing materials I have already. I want to spend more time being with people and spending money on experiences instead of having the latest trend. I feel like I've been locked in my house for days and I need to get away, have more adventures, do something with my life.